Oh Putain!

Monday was the start of the great move, and we’ve been poking our heads into one box after another, reorganising and repacking some stuff. This continued all through to Thursday. Phew!! Who decides to do a surprise welcome for us in our bedroom, but the mother of all cockroaches we have seen by far. It’s gigantic, and very well fed, and it FLIES. I don’t know how it got into our bedroom or when, but we only took notice of it because the cats were trying to get to it.

This one was a runner too. We didn’t know what to do at first because we were kind of intimidated by its size, so we just stared at it blankly for a good 5 mins or so. Then it moved!!!!

“AAAAHHH........!!!! JULIEN........!!!! DO SOMETHING!!!!!”

“I’m thinking!!!”

“Just DO something!!! Take some tissue or something!”

“Did you see the SIZE of that thing???!!!”

“Yes I did, Take 3 or 4 sheets then!”

So I was instructed to keep an eye on it while he came back with maybe about 5 sheets of kitchen paper. We tried the good old method of catch. But this bugger was fast! He was SO fast Julien just wasn’t able to catch him by hand! It went behind the shelves, along the walls, on the floor.... and then... it FLEW!!!!!

This sent the both of us running out of the room screaming into the living room. (Gross!!!!!!!!) At some point it flew onto Julien’s T-shirt and crawled around a little before flying off again!!!! (Double Gross!!!!!!!!!) It took us some time to calm down, but we went back in to look for it again. We weren’t going to be sleeping with it in our room. Found it by the stereo. This time, Julien decides to try something else..

“I’m going to burn it.”

“What?! How???! It’s on your stereo. Won’t that catch fire too?”

“I’m just going to burn it.”

He takes his deodorant spray and his lighter, and sparks up a mini burst of flame. NOTHING. It’s still there by the side of the stereo and it didn’t even flinch. Maybe it’s burnt and dead? We took a while to look to see if it moved. It moved again! Then comes another mini burst of flames. It survived it still and it’s probably getting tired of us. So it makes a sudden dash, towards the door in our direction, which sends me screaming off into the living room again. This time my brave Julien stayed in the room. He was determined to catch it tonight!

From the living room, I thought Julien was dancing at first, but then I realised he was hopping because the cockroach was running about at his feet!!! The next few moments happened in a flash. I heard more feet shuffling, and a loud “OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”, and then I heard “THOUGHT I COULDN’T CATCH YOU, HUH???!!!!” and then, FLUSH goes the toilet. Then silence.

“You can come in now. It’s safe.” Julien, with his deep voice of chivalry. So different from the one when he was screaming.

MY HERO!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahaha!